


i just wanna make sure you're okay

by soongyuus



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 19:32:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18267950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soongyuus/pseuds/soongyuus
Summary: "am I still your favorite boy?""of course, dumbass."or the fic where soonyoung and mingyu can't deal with feelings and fucked their relationship up.





	i just wanna make sure you're okay

**Author's Note:**

> uh what do i even say lol just a few notes to read hehe
> 
> this work is heavily inspired by Best Friends by Rex Orange County and Will He by Joji, both songs are recommended by my og soongyu bb, ely. this one's for you! *blows kiss to the sky*
> 
> i'm working on a soongyu series but i really really want to finish this one first. i've made too many drafts for this certain fic concept that i have in mind but i can't ever finish them because somehow soongyu still ends up being soft bfs like DUDE YOU BOTH NEED TO HURT EACH OTHER STOP BEING CUTE!
> 
> so, here we are. in the end, the work you're about to read below is the one i ended up writing. 
> 
> the other characters that are not from svt are OC/s.
> 
> i will try to clear things up at the end note or kindly comment down if you have questions after reading it. feedbacks are highly appreciated. 
> 
> TLDR: this work is completely unbeta-ed (as always *eyeroll emoji*) so any typo error/wrong spelling/grammar, please ignore. 
> 
> please support soongyu they are soft babies that needs to be protected.

 

the pitter patter of rain is what accompanies soonyoung as he presses the lock button of his phone on and off, shooting a glance towards the house in front of him then back at his phone again. the weather news had said how hard the storm is gonna hit tonight and it should stop him from going out but when he’s feeling too much and nothing, not even the thing he loves doing the most, can distract him from his own thoughts, he can’t help but succumb to the desire of seeing that someone that brings peace and calm to his soul.

 

soonyoung had two bottles of beer at the convenience store in the corner of his apartment complex, trying to stall himself as long as possible from doing what he had been craving to do but he knows he can’t anymore. but here he is anyway, standing in front of mingyu’s house under the pouring rain because his heart just won’t shut up and the thoughts are killing him.

 

two months of stopping himself from contacting mingyu, 6 weeks of drinking himself to sleep, 20 days of seungcheol and jihoon hauling him up from the  bathtub to his bed, telling him how stupid he’s acting and 36 hours of being sober for the first time, soonyoung found himself to the reason he even had to go through all that in the first place. he laughs at himself. if seungcheol founds out about this and proceeds to knock some sense into him by bashing his head on the table just like how jihoon had threatened to do, soonyoung would take it and thank them with all his being if it means he could forget about him.

 

soonyoung finally decides to turn the engine of his car off, blinking himself out of the drunken daze he’s in before getting out of his car, immediately unlocking his phone and pressing the call button on the contact it’s open to.

 

“hello?” a deep voice asks from the other line and soonyoung almost breaks down. the feelings he had try to drown and put at the back of his mind resurfacing and hitting him in huge waves. he feels like he’s gonna be knocked down any second.

 

“soonyoung-hyung?” mingyu asks again through the phone, voice still as soft as ever despite it’s deep tone. soonyoung leans back on the side of his car, standing in front of mingyu’s house with his figure being swallowed by the shadows. he watches as the man moves around the space, phone balanced in between his ear and shoulder as he retrieves something from one of the cupboards in his kitchen. it’s funny how soonyoung still remembers how it all looks like, where the pans are, the utensils under the sink, the fridge just beside the stove. something in his heart twinges.

 

mingyu removes his phone from his ears to check on it and when it seems like soonyoung is still in the call, he presses on the loudspeaker button and places his phone on the countertop, probably waiting for soonyoung to say something.

 

_even if soonyoung never did. never._

 

soonyoung sniffs, remembering how mingyu looks that night waiting for him to say something. to do something. he can’t stop the tear that starts to race down his cheeks, mixing in with the light raindrops that has been pouring since he went out.

 

mingyu must have heard his sobs because his brow furrows from where he is facing the window, far enough not to see soonyoung but near enough for soonyoung to make out his expressions and moves. mingyu immediately stands closer to the phone, speaking.

 

“hey, are you alright?”

 

soonyoung hums, clearing his throat and counting to ten before he trusts himself to speak without his voice breaking.

 

“hey, gyu,” he greets at last in a quiet voice, trying to sniff quietly as to not alarm mingyu that he has been crying. it’s his fault he’s in this state. the last thing he wants is for mingyu to blame himself for something he has no control on.

 

soonyoung hear mingyu release a relieve sigh from the other end, the feature of his face smoothing out and he leans back to continue cutting the pieces of carrots in front of him, a small smile painting his face.

 

“how are you?” soonyoung asks again after a beat, when he saw mingyu’s mouth open. mingyu would ask questions and he’s sure of it, and soonyoung is not ready to give him answers. he’s never ready.

 

mingyu starts rambling to him how he’s been, graciously moving around the kitchen like how he usually does, completely immerse on what he’s doing. it had always been he’s safe haven. something that makes him relax. if soonyoung has dancing and strolling around taking photos of things he finds lovely, mingyu has cooking. he’d always tell soonyoung how the aroma of the food he cooks always manages to wash his worries away.

 

_soonyoung almost told mingyu that he washes soonyoung’s worries away. that he keeps soonyoung grounded and at peace with himself. but he shoves a forkful of kimchi spaghetti on his mouth instead, cheeks full as he smiles back at a hopeful-looking mingyu._

 

_“this tastes good,” he compliments him, pretending he didn’t see the red that tinge mingyu’s ears._

 

soonyoung continue listening as mingyu tells him about minghao’s new dog, how cute and fluffy it is like that one they saw during their trip to jeju. he excitedly informs soonyoung about how wonwoo is finally gonna be discharged from the military and how they should all go out again for dinner and maybe to a noraebang just like how they always do during their high school years.

 

it hurts soonyoung knowing mingyu can act like this, like nothing happened in those two months that soonyoung disappeared from the face of the earth with an excuse of being abroad, with only seungcheol and jihoon knowing what’s happening. what he has been through. he doesn’t want to be hard on himself but he knows even seokmin, one of his close friends, probably hates him now for being scared. for running away again and again. seokmin’s statement when he confronted soonyoung after what happened came ringing on his head.

 

_“you hurt him badly. stop being a fucking coward and running away, hyung! you of all people know you deserve each other. what’s stopping you?”_

 

soonyoung doesn’t stop himself from chuckling. if only seokmin knows. if only all their friend knows. but does it still matter now if they know or not?

 

“remember that coffee shop i’ve been eyeing last january? the one at the corner of the studio you’re working on?” mingyu asks, happiness and excitement evident in his voice and soonyoung can’t help but let a small smile bloom on his face. he hums at mingyu in answer, waiting for him to continue.

 

“hyung bought it,” he says shyly, biting at his lower lip. soonyoung sees the change in mingyu’s face. it’s like he suddenly lightens up at the mention of that name. soonyoung’s grip on his phone tightens and he needs to count his breathing as to stop himself from throwing his phone on the ground.

 

soonyoung can feel the raindrops slowly seeping through his thin sweatshirt. he can also feel the sleeves of it dripping it’s own droplets of water to the ground as he continues listening to mingyu gushing on the phone. soonyoung is trying. he’s trying very hard but, it seems like his own ribs are closing in on his lungs, the rage slowly bubbling up in him trying to come out.

 

“eunho-hyung asked me to design it. remember that design we came up with? i told him about it and he loved it. you should come and visit once it’s done,” mingyu finishes. he turns his back on soonyoung, checking on the soup he’s waiting to boil before his eyes stray to the fridge just beside where the stove stands. there’s a polaroid picture of him hugging soonyoung pasted on it, making mingyu miss him, something at the back of his mind telling him to just ask soonyoung where he is because it’s been two months and mingyu wants to know how he’s been after what happened.

 

soonyoung lets out a chuckle. he runs his free hand through his damp hair, nodding his head until he realizes mingyu couldn’t see him.

 

“sure. sure, i’ll visit,” soonyoung notices a light of a car from the distance coming and not wanting anyone to see a grown, miserable man standing in front of such a lively looking house, he rounds his car and presses himself on the wall beside where it is, hiding himself, praying to whoever is listening to just make him disappear because it’s too much. everything’s too much.

 

a warm smile blooms at mingyu’s face and soonyoung’s heart almost stopped when mingyu walks closer to the window in the front, his eyes looking up at the crying sky and it’s only when he turns his back again to walk in the kitchen did soonyoung let himself breathe.

“c-can I..” soonyoung pinches the bridge of his nose before leaning his head back on the brick wall, letting water droplets make contact with the skin of his face. “can i ask you something?”

 

“sure,” mingyu answers immediately, like he’s waiting for something. like he wants to hear something from soonyoung.

 

_as if he would listen._

 

“what is it?” he urges soonyoung, speaking softly like a mom would to a scared child. soonyoung wants to laugh.

 

a taxi stops in front of mingyu’s gate, a man with platinum silver hair dressed in a cerulean blue button down and cream fitted-slacks emerging from it, bowing politely to the driver before ducking his head and walking straight through mingyu’s door.

 

“hyung?” soonyoung forms his hand into a fist, his nails digging tiny crescents on the skin of his palm.

 

soonyoung watches as mingyu turns to the opening door before turning back to the phone on the counter hurriedly and pressing on it, placing the gadget back on his ears as he smiles brightly at the new comer, spreading his arms wide to welcome the man with a hug, proceeding to meet the man’s mouth in a quick kiss.

 

the wind blows hard and soonyoung presses his eyes close, only hearing mingyu’s breathing from the other side as tears continue sliding down his face. he puts his closed fist up to his mouth, biting down on it to stop himself from sobbing loudly. mingyu can’t know. mingyu can’t see him like this.

 

“soonyoung-hyung?”

 

opening his eyes, soonyoung sees mingyu standing beside the window, eyes trained on the figure of the man moving in his kitchen, his lips pulled into a fond smile. soonyoung pushes himself off the wall, walking again under the rain, welcoming the increasingly hard pounding of the water on his body. standing under the streetlight with his eyes trained on mingyu and him only.

 

soonyoung sucks in a breath before speaking in a quiet voice. “i’m still your favorite, right?”

 

mingyu blinks, biting down on his bottom lip before pasting on a smile when his guest checked on him. he holds out a thumbs up and eunho nods at him before disappearing into his room. _their room._

 

“of course,” mingyu answers with a pained smile, running a hand through his hair with his gaze still trained on the closed door of his bedroom. “of course you are, dumbass. you’re my best friend.”

 

soonyoung scoffs at that, the corner of his mouth curving up into a smirk. he hates how mingyu can still get under his skin. hates how mingyu still has a hold on soonyoung’s strings.

 

soonyoung hates that he can’t come to hate mingyu after all he’d done.

 

“tell me again,” _this will be the last time, please._ soonyoung promises himself, coming to a resolve.

 

_mingyu licks his lips as he stares at the man bouncing on his lap, the grip he has on the man’s hips tightening as something hot coil inside his abdomen. soonyoung watches mingyu closely, leaning forward to press a kiss on the skin under mingyu’s ear._

 

_“tell me you love me, gyu.”_

 

_“hyung,” mingyu stutters, throwing his head back on his pillow and soonyoung takes it all in, latching his lips to mingyu’s neck and sucking on it._

 

_“eunho-hyung, i’m c-close-” mingyu moans out as he reaches his climax, hips thrusting up into the tight walls clamping down on his dick. he lets his body fall down on his bed and when the figure on his lap stops moving, he realizes what he had said._

 

_“soonyoung. soonyoung, i’m sorry. don’t go, please?”_

 

_soonyoung pushes mingyu down on the bed, getting off of his lap to stand beside mingyu’s huge bed, trying to block out everything._

 

_“go to sleep,” soonyoung tells him before bending down to gather his discarded clothes on the floor, ignoring the sticky liquid trailing down his thighs as he makes his way to the bathroom._

 

_mingyu sits up on the bed, looking frustrated. he cards his fingers through his hair before standing up and reaching soonyoung’s form in three long strides. he turns soonyoung around to face him and swoops down to claim his lips in a heated kiss, mumbling his “sorry/s” in between their mouths. he licks at soonyoung’s bottom lip but instead of opening up to him, soonyoung pushes him away._

 

_“listen to me, mingyu,” soonyoung sucks in a deep breath. “we’re best friends, right? so, stop. let’s stop,” soonyoung says, face void of emotions and eyes not meeting mingyu’s, waiting for the man to let go of him._

 

_soonyoung closes his eyes when mingyu cups his face on his large hands, kissing soonyoung’s lids before asking him to meet mingyu’s soft gaze. soonyoung bites on his lip, hands coming up to circle mingyu’s wrist. he opens his eyes and meets almond ones staring right through him, as if mingyu is trying to see through his soul. soonyoung feels like he’ll melt any moment._

 

_“soonyoung, i’m sorr-”_

 

_“who is he?” soonyoung asks instead, his stomach twisting when mingyu suddenly avoids his gaze before sighing. “no. i don’t care about him. but what are we, mingyu?”_

 

_“friends,” mingyu answers in a beat._

 

_that’s when soonyoung gently pries mingyu’s hands away from his face, scoffing at his answer. it’s funny how each one of their friends always tell soonyoung how in love mingyu is with him. how mingyu always stares at soonyoung as if he’s the best thing that ever happened to him. always tell soonyoung to stop playing with mingyu when it’s evident that he has mingyu wrapped around his fingers. they didn’t know it’s the other way around._

 

_“you’re my favorite, remember?” soonyoung snorts, shaking his head pushing mingyu away from him, creating a distance that should not be crossed anymore. he stays there standing still, still naked as the day he was born, heart cracking into tiny pieces._

 

_soonyoung meets mingyu’s eyes before planting one of his hand on his cheek, eyes softening when mingyu closes his eyes to lean on it._

 

_“let’s just- let’s stop this,” he says with finality before pulling away and disappearing in the bathroom to clean himself up, leaving a dumbfounded mingyu outside the door. he lets a few tears fall down his face during the ten minutes he allows himself to bathe, checking himself in the mirror right after and making sure that he looks normal before going out._

 

_mingyu sitting on his bed in only his gray sweatpants is what greets soonyoung as soon as he leaves the door, eyes trained on the lamp by his bedside table. he jumps upon hearing soonyoung’s footsteps but he does not look up._

 

_“i’m dating eunho-hyung,” mingyu blurts out, still not meeting soonyoung’s eyes._

 

_silence surrounds them both, the moon outside mingyu’s bedroom window big and bright and soonyoung can’t help but feel like comparing himself to it. always ready to give light through the darkness, always ready to give his light up just for mingyu, the sun, to shine. he loves mingyu so much he’d do anything for him. anything._

 

_“good for you, then,” soonyoung answers instead. the confession he’s been constructing inside his mind before he even met mingyu for dinner pushed at the back of his mind._

 

_“be happy,” he adds, walking outside mingyu’s room and towards the front door to put on his shoes._

 

_soonyoung hears mingyu’s heavy footsteps behind him, so, he isn’t at all surprise when he was spun around to meet the taller man’s gaze again. mingyu looks so hurt and angry and on any other day, soonyoung would console him. make the furrow in his brows disappear. but he’s angry too and he’s sure if someone should be hurt between them, it would be him._

 

_because he’s the one who had always been in love._

 

_“are you really not saying anything other than that?” mingyu asks him, shaking soonyoung body in frustration. “are you not gonna ask me where we met? why him?” he continues but soonyoung remains looking on the ground, already caught up in his own thoughts._

 

_all he knows is it’s not him mingyu love, wanted and needed._

 

_“goddamnit, soonyoung! say something-”_

 

_“i need to go. i forgot chan asked me to help him with something at the studio. i’ll see you tomorrow,” soonyoung removes mingyu’s hands from his shoulder, the feel of his hands burning through soonyoung’s shirt and making him feel burnt. he offers a smile at mingyu, “good night.”_

 

_mingyu’s drunk and soonyoung is sure he won’t remember anything by tomorrow._

 

_and mingyu never did. the only thing he remembers is soonyoung pushing him away and walking out the door._

 

the very same door soonyoung is facing right now as he walks a little nearer to the house. “tell me again, mingyu.”

 

mingyu’s chuckles is clear even through the static of the line and soonyoung takes a deep breath, eyes never leaving mingyu’s figure by the window. he sees eunho emerge from the room, making mingyu light up.

 

“you’re always my favorite person, hyung,” mingyu mutters through the line, his words piercing right through soonyoung’s heart and it hurts. it hurts so much that soonyoung can do nothing but let out a loud laugh.

 

soonyoung takes a step back and just his luck, mingyu also looks out the window at the same time, their eyes meeting. tired hazy ones locking with widening brown eyes. soonyoung snorts, rolling his eyes knowing mingyu can see it.

 

“bullshit. you’re a shitty liar,” soonyoung says through the phone, tiredness seeping through his voice and he holds a hand up to wave at mingyu who’s still looking at him, frozen in his place. soonyoung sees mingyu look at his back before turning his gaze back at him and opening his mouth.

 

“soonyoung, what are y-”

 

“i love you, mingyu,” soonyoung confesses turning his back at mingyu to get to the driver’s seat of his car. he stops in front of it, leaning his arm on the roof of his car, his palm cradling his chin and he offers mingyu a small smile.

 

mingyu’s face crumples and he tries to open his mouth again as he looks for something beside him. the panic is evident on his face and he keeps on glancing at where soonyoung is standing as if he doesn’t know what to do.

 

soonyoung bids a two-finger salute at him and mingyu widens his eyes at him again.

 

“soonyoung, wait!”

 

soonyoung doesn’t hear the rest of what he’s about to say because he presses on the end call, blocks mingyu’s number and slides inside his car. immediately starting the engine to drive away, not even looking back even as he sees mingyu’s figure standing outside the gate of his house, the rain soaking his body.

 

mingyu is happy now, soonyoung tells himself. _you’ve already made sure he’s okay. and he’s happy. he’s loved._

 

the rain continues to strengthen and soonyoung presses hard on the gas pedal, speeding away from a neighborhood that had become a second home to him, running away again from the person who had caused him pain.

 

_this time, for good._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i just want to clarify that, during the flashback, mingyu and eunho are still "dating/fucking". not officially nor exclusively dating. not boyfriends. so, nope, if you think mingyu cheated on him with soonyoung, he did not. 
> 
> comment down your other questions below if you have some! and thanks for reading! :)


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